D.I.C.E. (PlayStation 2)

CNET editors' rating: 2.0 stars Mediocre
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Gamespot editors' review

• Reviewed by: Greg Mueller
• Reviewed on: 10/14/2005
• Released on: 09/22/2005

Here's a bit of trivia to impress your friends: D.I.C.E. stands for DNA Integrated Cybernetic Enterprises. That jumble of words translates to a bunch of generic anime kids who shout incoherently while completing all kinds of nonsensical missions from atop their mechanized dinosaurs. At least, that's what Bandai's latest licensed anime-turned-video game would have you believe. Regardless of the validity of the license, D.I.C.E. the game is a dull, repetitive, and often frustrating experience that should be avoided.

D.I.C.E. stands for Dis Is Crappy Entertainment.

D.I.C.E. is an organization of kids who are somehow the answer to all the problems of the universe because they are expert dinobreaker pilots. Dinobreakers are large robots that take the form of various dinosaurs like the T-rex, pterodactyl, and triceratops. There are nine different dinobreakers in the game, and each one is also able to transform into a vehicle at the drop of a hat. This is handy, because in order to save the universe from utter destruction, you'll have to do a bit of racing. Although, most of the time you'll use your dinobreaker to engage in combat with insidious enemies such as frogs, dragonflies, Vikings, and robots. Some dinobreakers are better than others when it comes to combat, but all of the mechs are strictly melee fighters. There are plenty of tail whips, head butts, and claw kicks to go around, but you'll also have the assistance of a satellite bot. There are several different types of satellite bots--some shoot missiles, others shoot lasers, and still others fire beams (yes, there is a difference between lasers and beams, apparently.) These satellite bots sit by your side and you can command them to fire at will, or you can hold the circle button to designate specific targets. Each satellite bot has a different weapon and a different targeting pattern, and you'll rely on them quite heavily.

The story in D.I.C.E. is so thin that it might as well not even be there. Basically, the satellite bots that everyone has been using to make their lives easier are made of a rare and mysterious mineral called "shell." Since the satellite bots have become so popular, everyone is trying to get their hands on the precious mineral, and some people are using underhanded means to secure as much shell as they can. Some scientists and a sentient artificial intelligence find out that shell is actually not a mineral, but a sort of living fossil that could unleash all kinds of destructive power if not handled properly. Of course, all the shady characters (including the cleverly named D.I.C.E. rivals, B-D.I.C.E) peddling shell on the black market aren't really concerned with safe-handling procedures.

The story really has no bearing on the game, because the 16 missions are pointless and uninteresting and they're recycled over and over again. In one mission you have to track down a poacher who is hunting an endangered species on a remote planet. For some reason, in order to catch the poacher you have to fight through a half-dozen screens of multicolored frogs, as well as fish that spit deadly flower petals at you. In a later mission, you'll have to go to an artificial Tron-like world to fight the computer brain that is controlling the place. A few missions later, the computer brain invites you back to do it all over again, and you agree to go because it's good practice for the other missions. So, you fight the exact same mission and boss all over again, which is especially lame because it isn't even fun the first time. Other missions are shamelessly rehashed as well, and none of them are fun to play.

You can transform from a dinosaur into a vehicle, and somehow it isn't fun at all.

Most missions are divided up into half a dozen or so different areas. Each area is a small room or section of land that is filled with enemies or a few simplistic puzzles. Usually you just have to defeat all the enemies in the room to move on to the next area, which invariably contains the same exact enemies in the same exact environment. Only this time, there are a couple of tougher enemies thrown in to make it feel like you're progressing ever so slightly. At the end of each mission there is usually a boss, but for all the missions in the game there are only about five different bosses that get reused over and over again.

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